Lady fAyth`
1/31/2004 10:19:00 AM
Thursday, January 29, 2004
maybe it has never occured to him that love doesn't exist in a single form. all he needs is a bestfriend whom he can rely on, completely. yes, everyone would get a piece of solitude at least once in a lifetime. there is absolutely no need to avoid the space by turning desperate! whew! why does he cut off every conversation we have? then, I don't see the idea of askin' and knowing how is he anymore. pls! I don't think it's that difficult to succumb into the real world for a guy, if a girl - like me, can. oh c'mon! it doesn't seem to hurt as much as long as he believes. right. this is it! he doesnt believe in anything. no trust. no faith. no God.
I have gathered that he who doesn't have faith, will never be genuinely happy. all earthly pleasures can't be taken with us wherever we go. friends are but passerbys. ah of course, I believe, that there'd be some who'd be there from the beginning till the end. I love my friends and especially those who've been there for me at the intervals of my life. they've been an instrument of God to give and teach me howda love. this guy has prolly been made to help me realize how fortunate I am to know Christ.
HE is the difference.
Lady fAyth`
1/29/2004 05:14:00 PM
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
obsessional
If someone's behaviour is obsessional, they cannot stop doing a particular thing or behaving in a particular way.
if I were a musculine, I would not take a second glance at myself; and there'd only be two perspectives to get to it. I would either appear unattractive (which holds a greater possibility), OR like one of their specie. what the hell? -hangs head- meanwhile, I gotta dress and portray myself extravagently. I know, this isn't gonna last for awhile that I can bear. sometimes I wonder what had gotten into me, to allow the hairdresser to snip it off! argh. it sucks to feel less feminine. I'll nvr pass as a butch.
onto a lighter note, I hope I'll get my wallet soon! (: I do feel guilty to be getting another, since I bought muh current during the holidays. yeeks! and if I've not mistaken, the wallet I'm planning to purchase would cost more than double of the previous. blah! yes yes. call me a spendthrift. I cant think of any reasons to buy a new piece, other than that the one I hold doesnt have a coins compartment. then you must think, how silly of me!
anw, I've got plenty of chinese hw to do with so little time and so little sleep! I'm gonna faint on my bed soon.
Lady fAyth`
1/27/2004 05:10:00 PM
Thursday, January 22, 2004
I'm really upset that the explorer was shut down and my entire post went missing. I feel like wailing into the speakers! oh well, I'll tryda recollect what I typed.
really boredd on this CNY, and I slept through much of it. I rmbr how it was like when mama was still around and we'd all stay at her house for the whole day till late. ahh how I miss hearing my uncles' loud voices when they get excited on a topic, laughing until the roof seem to tremble, my aunties' crowding in the kitchen preparing food and mama's smile. I knew and rmbr how she loved family gatherings, but I nvr understood why. reunions arent gonna be the same anymore cos I had them with a mass of people. suddenly the crowd is gone and I'm left with my mum, it's gonna take me years to get use to this routine. I still believe that I belong to a big family.
lately, I realized that no matter how much I've been through that has made me seem like someone new, I'll still be mama's fave granddaughter, the adolescent who demands for everything that she wants. (ps: I'm really wrecking my brains, trying to rmbr what I typed. ugh!) life's greatest hurdles cant take away everything from me because what I have is in me. when I search deep enough, I'll find an ocean of memories that people have seen me through. I thank God and them for being there and then. it was meant to be. someone who've made the greatest yet gentlest impact on me is jie, and she will always be the one. for the past 14 yrs and 19 days of my life, she had always been a source of motivation, comfort, fun, love and inspiration to me. recently, she's gone through alot. and I know she didnt deserve what she got in return from her friends. now I *finally* understand, that no matter how much she might change, she'll stay the same: ever loving and a great helper. jie, you're still muh angel. and you'll always be. you know my song to you.
Lady fAyth`
1/22/2004 09:53:00 PM
I'm actually feelin' motivated to study on the first day of CNY. it was more or less abt what ms yeo commented last tuesday, I gather. her words kept ringing in muh head and it pressures me negatively. what the hell? maybe being put down infront of the entire class wasnt the best way to motivate me. (and I'm sure she didnt know that.) ah well, it's part of school life to disappoint a teacher, isnt it? rawrs. she hadda make it so clear that my performance is a let down, this yr! why the hell did she hafta say, "xueling! I'm shocked. surprised. you were one of my best students in 2D huh." whatever. I must mug my butt out from today onwards. I cant afford to slack in sec3 and -censors the inauspicious word- in sec4! yes. and I'm gonna work double as hard as I did, previously.
reunion dinner
it didnt feel that much of a difference since they had the marble table and the steamboat, from mama's house. oh wow. but the decrease in the number of people made me feel awkward, because reunion dinners were nvr like that. anw, that couldnt get worser than the songs michael were playing. oh what the hell! for the whole time, I was askin muhself, what's with the song?! and he kept losing his cool at kor anthony? I think kor anthony was just taking his stride against his brother. as usual. oh well, I miss the old times.
xin nian kuai le, wan shi ru yi, bu bu gao sheng, xue ye jin bu! to all. waha!
Lady fAyth`
1/22/2004 08:19:00 AM
Monday, January 19, 2004
everyone's still in tha campy mood, haha! yeah the instructors and leaders were sharing tubs of ice-cream by passing them around the canteen today. awwe how sweet can it get, right? (: now, everyone is so in-love with one another.
yay! we all missed lab today! waha cherry was absent and we all had the first 2 periods free and easy! haha I caught up quite abit with ally darlin' and did half a letter writing for her. I'm so kind aye? havent done hw for anyone in a very long time but I just wanted to have fun!
this evening, I had another heart-to-heart chats with vin. the poor guy needs alot of support and prayers. I could feel the Holy Spirit guiding my fingers to type. cos there were so many things that I only realize when I replied him. I dont know how much it helped him but it made an impact upon muhself. so in other words, God maybe speaking through myself to me. lol He works wonders.
playing an insignificant role doesnt mean that what I do doesnt make an impact. but of cos, it will only work out when I do it outta true love. I havent been able to get over the change in 2 people who were once my mentor along rough roads. now, God wants me to stand alone and be totally dependent on Him alone. maybe I have become too reliant on friends and I would often forget that He's the only One who can liberate me from my woes. so now I turn to Him. this is my deeper understanding of faith.then I realized, when I was chatting with vin, that maybe God has another task for me. and as a servant of the Almighty, I gotta be flexible. fixing all the lessons I've learnt, paints the map of what He wants me to be. I'm quite certain of it.
HW TIME.
Lady fAyth`
1/19/2004 09:24:00 PM
Friday, January 16, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Sunday, January 11, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Lady fAyth`
Saturday, January 10, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Lady fAyth`
Thursday, January 08, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Wednesday, January 07, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Tuesday, January 06, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Monday, January 05, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Saturday, January 03, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Friday, January 02, 2004 Lady fAyth`
Thursday, January 01, 2004 Lady fAyth`
lancelot, lancelot it's okay!
though we loss, don't lose FAITH
lancelot, lancelot it's okay!
we can do it!
-scream!-
DAY 1
the class set off for camp with cheers and songs, it was a great start. -grins- somehow, lancelot came together with unity even before the camp. it was like as if it's all meant to be. and I believe that God has HIS plans for us. so anw, we had to do the usual area prep for camp when we arrived at our campsite. and we were appointed to wash the toilets. waha how nice aye? I think there were alittle too many people in a toilet and work wasnt done very efficiently. nonetheless, we did it! yay! hehe following up next was the sing-along-session. blah it was rather pointless to have it because we were all prepared for the songs for campfire already. soo united right? oh well, we went through it with enthusiasm anws. -smiles- we played games and such until dinner and we're suppose to have somemore night games. unfortunately, it rained so we hadda stay indoors. I was partially glad because I could skip the nightwalk! whew! wahaha yeah yeah I feel like a sucker. :P but I really cant stand the freaky cringe raging inside my stomach! the briefings and prayers made me "weaker"/scared. ha! dont ask me why. we did our first cent. walk at abt 3plus, I think? IT WAS SO COLD! brr okay.
-.-
and we were all soo sleepy. I bet I was the only one crapping abt gregorian sisters aka eminem's daughter. lol yeah it was smth to do with the hood over my head. blah! I think I was so lame, coming to think of it. blah. rese laughed at me somemore. sheesh. waha!
DAY 2
we had a very heavy breakfast and I could hear everyone complaining, "SO MUCH FOOD! I'M GONNA BURST OKAY." seriously, I felt really sorry for people who didnt even have food for weeks, so I just kept quiet. it was the same thing for every meal actually. I wonder if they are suffering from eating disorders. sheesh! that wasnt to lecture anyone. it's just how I feel when I see them passing the food around, pushing the food to others and throwing the food away. c'mon! it's not that bad okay. I really felt like I am so used to the kinda food that people do not eat. roars like some kinda pauper. I think people ought to appreciate stuff. I feel so disgusted now. so anw, onto the activities for the day, I did orienteering first and I think we started off less enthusiastic then we were with the other half of the class. but it was okay! seriously, I think we learnt howda stay united and keep the enthusiasm without the EXTRA-ENTHU people like, rese, beryl, dee and geraldine. it's a good thing! but during the the session, fatin and I had to fight with our own phobia cos the dog from the campsite decided to follow us! blah the worst sight was to see the other dogs, from the kampong we're passing by, attacking our tamed-follower. yeah the dogs from the kampong were soo violent okay! roars. the grp was like so still when the dogs were fighting and I could hear everyone going like, "OMAGAWWSH! ouch! AHH!" yeah smth like that. fatin was grabbing onto my bag and I was holding the flag, I thought the "follower" would be scared of it. hee! I'm so mean to scare the doggy. but I couldnt help but to be afraid of it too! blah. human-beings have to protect themselves, right?! oh anw, we had a nap before starting on tbg and the people in my tent fell into a deep sleep instantly! haa that was how tired we were. so anw, during tbg, dee hadda pole-dance and the tree was shaking! gerald was madd enough to join in. sheesh. wahaha! yupp our other half of the class were cheering us on at our last game. SO SWEET! haha like what mf would say. :P
sec 3 campfire '04
we were soo kerazzy and HIGH. waha it's a waste that mf wouldnt join us cos she hadda attend her reiki class. bish! anw, we were all overly excited so we kinda forgot parts of our dance. but of cos, we had this last min thingy to dance around the campfire. waha! I heard gerald was doing funny moves and all. waha! cute. everyone was soo enthu and ons. -grins- 3faith rules! yupp the last part of the campfire was really solemn when C2 gave the speech. blah I was almost tearing up. but after that, we had punishments. sheesh I've nvr cursed so much in my head before. sucks. haha and I decided not to bathe cos I was going home the next day already! haha yay! it doesnt hurt to stink for a night (I'm so stinky).
DAY 3
we were singing, dancing and cheering to the jetty! woohoo! finally heading home. -grins- and back in school, inst. jolin made us dance to
---
it's been an experience sec 3Faith will nvr ever forget. the 3D and 2N that we spent together has helped us bond even closer together and granted us endurance, perserverance and determination to achieve our goals. I believe that the trials in camp will help us overcome greater obstacles ahead of us, as a class.
1/16/2004 03:49:00 PM
just got back from dinner.
I'm already feelin' better, and it must have been the pants I wore. blah! haha I guess it made me feel more confident abt how I look. anw, auntie was so madd! she was trying to create shadows like what jie was doing?! waha! how cool can my auntie get aye?
alright. and I gotta go now cos I need to poo! hee.
1/11/2004 09:02:00 PM
OMAGAWWSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my hair is so urgh short! I look like a urgh nerd! URGH I hate my hair! I have a strong urge to pull it all out okay! fuck this damn thing. chocolate ice-cream wont help abit now! I'm so friggin disappointed with the results. ROARRS! I look like crap. I wanna lock myself up for the next 10 yrs and let my hair grow as long as rapunzel's. I dont care how, I just want my hair to grow long enough for me to tie! and my fringe! omagawwsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like strangling myself.
1/11/2004 05:55:00 PM
I BURNT MY STOMACH
lol.
zelly was hoping that there'll be a fat-eater burried under the sand. so as we lay on it, we're actually on fat-eating-therapy! waha and she kept callin' jen and I "ma'am?" blah blah blah. waha! she's so farnie.
at first, the sun was scorching and we're like "WHOA... the sun rawks!" ...until it started to pour. blah. 3 of us were so bored, hiding in the loo! when we went back to suntan in the drizzle, the sun was quite alright. except, it kept getting covered by the clouds. roarrs. I hate clouds. waha!
oh wells, outta my entire body, the ONLY portion that got burnt is my tum tum. IT'S SO RED. gawwsh. and it hurts. waha! I'm wondering who tans their tum? *bish!* so silly. my cheeks are quite red too? it isnt that bad afterall. at least my tan will be visible to people. waha! bodoh.
alright. I gotta read abit or maybe go to sleep already. -yawns- I'm beat!
1/10/2004 09:56:00 PM
I think mf and her hub, are such a cute couple! gawwsh. they actually help each other restrict themselves from saying vulgarities. so instead of saying, "what the fuck?!" they go, "what the ...pause while face turns tomato-red... is that?" waha!
after practicing the dance for 2 days, most of us can barely lift our legs! blah. and yesterday, judy low made us run twice around the court, another 2 times down to the carpark and back to assemble, burpies *is that the correct way of spelling it?*, and lotsa stuff that has to do with our legs! gawwsh I thought I was gonna lose mine. waha! blah.
TODAY! I'm gonna sun tan at sentosa with zelly and jen. -grins- hehe! I'm so freakin hungry but I gotta wait till jen and I go to CP later. blah. hehe *sprinkles glitter here*!
1/10/2004 08:51:00 AM
woke up with a splitting skull and the torture hasnt stopped. roarrs. anw, I have been placed in mrs cherry lim's bio class! die. I couldnt understand abit she was asking! blah.
mrs lim: dee dee, what is the cell-wall made of?
dee: err...
me to gerald: chlorophyl is it?
gerald to dee: pss...
gerald + I: chlorophyl...
my gawwsh. it was wrong! blah. mrs lim made gerald and I own up for hinting dee can? lol so embarrassing.
oh well, the good news is, I've finally mastered the campfire dance! yay! haha I really hafta thank God that I made it through the day despite the throbbing in my head. blah. I cant do anything else but sit and try to ease the pain, since I got home. ):
o'right. I'm gonna rest!
1/08/2004 09:26:00 PM
whew! I just completed xi zi. omagawwsh it's been 2 yrs since I've written it yah? it really brings me back to those days when I'd compete with yanni! haha "mei ku lian". she'd would rmbr that! oh well, even though I think it's the best way I can learn my ting xie without pressuring myself, it's very tedious. chinese lessons with pan lao shi are soo kerazzy, I dare say. she made us walk all the way, from the 4th storey to the basement, just to check a tree out! gawwsh all of us thought she'd prolly forget abt it once she gets on with the lesson. but ahhh! she rmbred! and she said, "wo da ying le ni men, dang ran yao qu lah!" lol gawwsh. I think she's cute! haha.
met jie during recess and she was all alone. roarrs. so sad for her cos I couldnt stay around to keep her company. blah guilty! anw, 3F sang me a belated hatched-day song and prayers! mf suggested that on everyone's hatchday, we'll all lift up a silent prayer for each of them. how sweet! and the girl-of-the-day would get to make special prayer-requests! hee. I didnt make any of cos. but I was praying for all those who really matter to me. -smiles-
homework
zuo ye
xi zi
e math wkshts
ss
a math wksht
a math ex 2.2
history read-up
history wb activity 1
hee done quite alot already. -grins-
1/07/2004 10:13:00 PM
it is one of the most tiring day so far because my head was as heavy as my school bag! blah. yeah, I'm down with another fever today. I'm so amazed that I could pay attention to lessons despite the major headache that caused me to gag. anw, I think I'm blessed with fantastic teachers this yr! hehe at least I can work with them.
a*math: mr tan g c
chinese: mrs liao
physics: mr pang
yay! seriously, I was so freaked out when I thought ms annie ong was gonna be my a*math tchr?! urgh. and I didnt bother bringing my book today because it was so friggin' heavy! oh well, thank God there was a mistake. the class is really small and I kinda enjoyd it even though I felt like my head was splitting up already. but I guess there wasnt much for me to pay attention to, cos it's simply revision of yesteryear's work. and I had been practicing simultaneous linear equations during tuition so there wasnt much that I had to absorb. hehe! that's the wonder of tuition.
oh well, it's time to do alil' read-up for history.
1/06/2004 09:17:00 PM
now I wish you could spare me a second. you have to listen to what I gotta say, dear. pls! why cant you be yourself and trust in God? gifts are not what your friends want. we need you.
1/05/2004 12:12:00 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
1/03/2004 10:21:00 PM
this is probably the best first-day-of-school I've ever attended, so far! mf is really impressive when she went down the row to shake our hands and introduce herself. how sweet is that, right? -smiles- yeah and what's even more eye-opening is the fact that she took time off to make and get welcome-gifts for her class. it's like wow! anw, there wasnt anything of a big deal today. all that we had were talks, revisiting rules, and MORE talks. what else? -shrugs + smiles- surprisingly, I'm not even affected to recieve a letter of warning (yeah, it's abt my uniform, again!), on the first day of school! haha I'm totally out of my mind. and I met mrs soon a couple-a times outside mf's homeroom today. I was so excited whenever I see her around? haha but as usual, she always seemed like she's rushin' off to somewhere.
OH! I finally bought "how to deal" vcd! muhgawwsh. I've got no regrets paying for it. here's my review:
HOW TO DEAL
you dont hafta wear black to a funeral, (even though they always say it's outta respect for the deceased.) wearing red, and looking best in it for the departed loved-one, could be an option. afterall, he who has gone with the Lord wouldnt want you to grief forever, like what black symbolizes. it also depends on what's his definition for the colour of mourning.
halley was right: being in a relationship is too official and it puts both parties at risk of getting hurt in the end.
verse:
when you have to look away
when you don't have much to say
that's when i love you
i love you
just that way
to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
that's when i love you
i love you... endlessly
and when your mad cuz you lost a game
forget i'm waiting in the rain
baby i love you
i love you anyway
chorus:
cuz heres my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
cuz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind but
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you
no matter what
verse:
so when you turn to hide your eyes
cuz the movie made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you a
little more each time
and when you get quiet match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
thats when i love you
i love you
more than you know
and when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that u give when you showed up late
baby i love you
i love you anyway
chorus:
cuz heres my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
cuz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you
no matter what
ending:
that's when i love you
when nothing baby
nothing you do could change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
thats when i love you
when i love you
no matter what
no matter what...
beautiful, aint it?
1/02/2004 06:44:00 PM
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
spent a night at augustine's house with madeleine, julie, andrew, joyce, jo and jenny. all we did for hours was singing pnw songs! omagawwsh. what a holy-countdown. xxx! well, frankly, I wasnt feelin' that churchy at all. (that wasnt to offend anyone out there yah!) sad to say that I didnt enjoy much over there. jo was playing "bounce" on my phone for quite awhile. (I figured that he was super de duper bored out yah?) and he had gone missing quite a number of times last night. well I gathered, he was on the phone with someone. oh and the reception in the living room sucks big time! my goodness. I could hardly send any greetings out! I'm really sorry peeps. I havent forgotten you all!
what I really appreciated was daddy's call and with everybody's blessings! omagawwsh. it was the sweetest thing I've ever recieved! AWE. I was already so excited when I read the caller id, but I nvr expected ALL of them to be wishing me at the same time! thankew guys! it's the sweetest new year's gift I've had! -muacks to all- omagawwsh. I'm still in AWE of it. ahhh! haha I'm so madd aye. -grins- my ah di called too. just to wish his ah jie happy new year! wah. it was really amazing cos we only know each other over the internet. so sweet! when it all adds up, it really feels like taking 2 spoons full of sugar! I really love you all. it made such an impact during my first few hours of the year! and I better not forget to give all my love to these people. -grins-
it's a brand new yr and a good start for me! I'm going back to the ever-giving+loving XL aka gen aka ling etc. but of cos, less vulnerable than I was. jie's little reply to my msg was sweet and lovely. lol (you know how it gooes, momma goos!) it was one of those heartfelt replies she gives. -grins- it didnt feel any different, despite the tremendous change in her since her come-back. I love you, momma! I really really really do. you had always been there to give me the inner strength to carry on in the deepest valleys of my life. I thank God for you, and I thank YOU for being the-Angel. -hugs-
1/01/2004 10:43:00 AM
